Halloween

Oh wow a post about Halloween in October!?  That’s so original of me…  Okay so obviously it’s not.  However Halloween is seriously the best holiday.

I would say I’m sorry for the late post, again.. However I know that this will not be the last time and you should really only apologize if you’re going to change your behavior…  I’ll try but I’ve been trying for almost twenty one years and still haven’t had much luck…

Back to Halloween!  So this is my favorite time of year.  The leaves are falling, it’s perfect hoodie weather.  (If you live in the western hemisphere.)  And unlike Thanksgiving, which I am sure started out as a great holiday,  a day to give thanks, and has turned into a holiday of lets eat all the foods!  even with America’s obesity rate…

Halloween.  It’s my favorite holiday because you can be anyone or anything.  I can be a responsible, non-procrastinator!  A G.I. Joe.  A drag queen.   Okay so probably not the last one.  I have man face.  But it is absolutely amazing to me, great costumes, free candy, the sound of children laughing and your neighbor screaming because someone TPed his house.  Maybe he shouldn’t judge and tell people they are too old to trick or treat…  Just saying.

I’m hopefully going to post pictures of me and Sister2 in our costumes.  Let’s say the Thursday after Halloween.  That way I have plenty of time to procrastinate.

Also Halloween is a pagan holiday.  It’s not devil worship.  Plus Plus, it’s a mix of a pagan holiday and all saints day.  A Christian holiday.  So don’t hate on Halloween.

Some lady was all like.  “I can’t believe you’d let your children celebrate this sinful day.”

And the other lady (from her church) was like.  “You know my husband.  He’s always so lenient.  But he told them they could and I am tired of being the bad guy.”

I kind of wanted to rip my face off, speak in tongues and wiggle my ripped off face at them.  I didn’t but I wanted to.

That’d be like me saying “I’m not a Christian.  I’m agnostic, so Christmas is a bad holiday.”  It’s fun and an excuse to see your relatives and have the same conversation with all of them.  “How are you?” “Where are you working?”  “Do you have a boy/girlfriend?”

That’s another reason I like Halloween better.  I love my family, but being around them makes loving them harder sometimes.

Anyway.  Happy Halloween.

PS if you haven’t heard WORDS AS WEAPONS-SEETHER.  give it a listen.  it’s super good.

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Story. Lessons. My mom.

Who? What? When? Where? Why? Taste. Touch. Smell. Hear. See.

The vital components of any story, fiction or non-fiction.  Show don’t tell.  Do this.  No do this.  You can’t say that.  You can’t do this.

I’ve wanted to be a writer for several years, basically the second I found out they had spell and grammar check.  I have always had thoughts, feelings and opinions on everything.  When I’m being overly blunt my mom laughs and points into the distance.  “Mom,” She says, “look how fat that lady is!”

Apparently when I was four I said this at the grocery store and she was shocked.  She fought her urge to pick me up and abandon our cart full of food.  Instead she bent down to my level and told me that the woman wasn’t fat, she was curvy and beautiful in her own right.

The woman didn’t like this.  She wanted me to be raked over the coals because she was offended.  My mom responded,  “My son made an observation. He had no effect on you.  He did not decide your weight, eating or exercise habits or even your glandular issues or family history that may have led to your curvy physique.  He expressed himself and I am proud that I have raised someone who can express themselves.”

Or something like that.  It changes every time she tells the story.  Regardless it has stuck with me.  I am who I am and I should express myself but I should do it in a way that doesn’t hurt someone else, physically or emotionally.  I should have some tact.

Writing is kind of like that.  If you eventually want someone, somewhere to see it, or even if there’s just a teeny tiny chance that someone may, you shouldn’t let it hinder your expression, but you should at least attempt to have some tact.

You should flourish in the thought that someone will agree with you and you shouldn’t let the people who want you to be raked over the coals stop you.  At the same time you shouldn’t give the coal people any extra ammo.  If it matters to you and you feel strongly about it, shout it from the roof tops, but be ready to defend yourself and everything that makes you what you are.

So those are my slightly circular thoughts.  Hopefully you don’t have a head ache.  Also hopefully the people who agree will shout louder than those who don’t.

Controversy is conflict.  Without conflict, story doesn’t exist.

Apple Jacks and Artifical cherry flavor!

For some reason I feel like I’d need a degree to understand, I feel awesome.  Woo!  I ate nothing but apple jacks (12 boxes) and drank nothing but sodas(pops?) with artificial cherry flavoring for the last three days.  I didn’t sleep.  Avoided sharp objects.  And I wrote like some dude in a gimp suit had a pez dispenser full of firecrackers pointed at my head.

That was a weird image.  Also I listened to Porcelain Black, lots of her.  My favorite song is Who’s Next.  Oh, who’s it going to be?  Who’s going to be next?  I want a boy taste like whiskey and cigarettes!

I think I am destined to be a cougar.  First I need to learn how to growl like she does.  She’s not a cougar but that song makes me think of cougars.  I just realized something terrible.  You have to have a vagina to be a cougar.  And experienced, and probably at least kind of hot.

I’ve been told I’m that last one…  Unfortunately, I am twenty and all I have experience in is being not experienced..  Also I don’t have a vagina…  This is a terrible day.

Oh well.  It’s still a great day because I think, hopefully, maybe, I’m done grieving, and I got five cookies today.

Why did I get cookies and not share?  Well I don’t know where you live and ALSO I get cookies for not intentionally hurting myself.

I know my site thingy is called P!nkdependent, but I just couldn’t listen to her.  Normally her music makes me all kinds of happy but I think maybe the whole suicide thing put me off.  Like I became a huge fan when I was getting to the “I don’t deserve to live” stage of life and she helped me, made me feel understood, so I didn’t.  He did.  Icky feelings.

!Ndependent!

You’re beautiful and brilliant and if you don’t believe me, ask your mom.  I bet she’d agree.  If she doesn’t, give a homeless guy a dollar to say it to you.  He KNOWS!

Die Death!

So, I am super tired of people dying.  It sucks.  My grandma died tonight.  I picked up my cutting habit again, and am currently bleeding because crying made my nose all stuffy.  Seriously not a good reason, but I did it.

My dad, very supportively said, “Suck it up.  You’re twenty now, soon everyone you’ve ever known will die.  My parents are probably next.  And your siblings are all older than you by at least a decade, so you’ll get to go to their funerals too.”

Woo!  :.(

I’ve outlined three different books because of these awesome mile stones in my life.  After I outlined them, I emailed them to my bestie, and deleted any trace that they were ever on my laptop.

I have decided to take a mini vacation from my life.  I will now go out and hug everyone who’s first and last name I know.  Okay, probably not, I am an antisocial/social butterfly.  I know a lot of peoples.

I baked a dozen apple pies and didn’t eat any of them…  Hers were better.  Also I burned the first two.  I am up to thirteen Tiny Hats for the month of September.

My imaginary friends are now all immortal because I don’t want them to die.  It used to be fun to kill them in new and more evil ways.  Like the Sims.  That game is the best, I’m sure everyone has played it but if you haven’t you should.  Tiny computer people are at your mercy.  You are a god to your Sims.  You can make them go to the bathroom and then take a way the door so they’ll starve.  Remove the ladder when they swim so they drown.  Hit their tiny little universe with a tornado because gods get bored of happy little healthy people.  It’s like author-ing only more sociopathic.  Woo….

Anyways hope all of your people stay alive.  Call them say you love them and ask for all their good food recipes because demanding that they live to be 187 will not necessarily make it so and you will miss the tastes.

You need a platform!

Every site, blog, vlog, author, agent and publisher says that authors need a platform.  It makes sense.  Build your audience.  Tell folks when your books are coming out…  I feel strongly against it.

I’m boring, at least to myself.  I am like a platypus, neat, but I don’t really do much.  I have secrets and quirks and problems…  But I am average.  I’m not even the hero of my own story.

I like my imaginary friends better.  They are full of piss and vinegar.  They say what’s on their minds, they do things I can’t, wouldn’t and shouldn’t.  Their pasts are rife with weirdness, wonder and tragedy.

I’ve written worlds full of monsters, fairies, love, hate and chocolate.  I’ve written about characters coming out to their parents and being accepted.  Children being abused.  Cutters, drug addicts, stick thin cheerleader stereotypes.  I like them much better.  They amaze and excite me.  They help me deal with everything and nothing.

Their stories tie up in to neat (or slightly disheveled) bows.  Mine, I won’t even get to see.  I won’t have foreshadowing necessarily, or a moment of true happiness before death knocks on my door.

My characters look at my flaws and judge me harshly or they offer their support in my struggles.  Real, living breathing people are unpredictable and I am a control freak.

Thank you to all ya’ll who read this…

Part of a platform is consistency, so from here on out, I will post every Thursday.  I might sprinkle in some more, if I’m not off on an adventure with my imaginary friends.  😀

The problem with Tiny Hats.

When I’m stressed I have some slightly problematic ways of dealing with it.  Shopping. Eating. Smoking.  Sometimes all three at once.  What’s strange to me, is that all of my ways of dealing with stress are like depression medication.  May cause more of the thing it’s supposed to help.

I love to shop, except for shoes.  Boots are a different matter entirely.  Luckily (annoyingly) they do not make cute men’s boots that are easily accessible to consumers.  I just spent eighty dollars on Tiny Hat Stuff, or THS.  For some reason I can’t seem to grasp no matter how much introspection I do, making Tiny Hats is very stress relieving to me.  Top hats are my favorite.

To make Tiny Hats doesn’t even take that much fabric, a 1/4 of a yard of fabric that will go outside, a 1/4 yard of canvas to build the base, some thread and a needle.  Of course if you want to get fancy, which I feel is a must, you need buttons, studs and ribbon.  Still though, eighty dollars is kind of insane.

Also, eating while trying to hand sew is not really possible or sanitary.  Cheetos are evil!  I actually have a friend I do nothing with but eat.  When I’m stressed I call her, when she’s stressed she calls me.  We enable each other.  I know several people who suffer from this.  Do any of you have any tips?

Because when I’m not eating I smoke.  I’ve been trying to quit for over a year and I’m down from three packs a day, but I’m still not done.

The worst part of all of this is that I am a student, I need my money to do other things, like to pay for school.

Any advice or “hey, man, I feel you.” ‘s are awesome.

You are beautiful and brilliant.  And hopefully better at dealing than me.

Song I’m stuck on.

Thrift Shop- Macklemore & Ryan Lewis

Aspiring author. P!nk fan. Human.

So, this is my first blog ever!  Woo!  I figured someone might want to know a little about me.

Obviously P!nk is my favorite musician.  Love her or hate her, that’s up to you, but I think she is amazing.  I have several reasons why, she cares for starters.  If she has something to say, she says it and I wish I was that brave.  She fights for women’s rights and animal rights and gay rights without it being a shtick.  She is also accepting.  I personally believe that you should never hate anyone until they give you a reason to do so.  (A real reason.)

I could spend all day on her, but I’m going to talk about some other people who make my life awesome.  Chuck Wendig at Terribleminds.com is my writing hero, he’s blunt and funny and his books have really helped me think about my writing in a new way.  Next would be Katytastic and all of her vlogs on writing and reading.  Paperbacks falling over is literally the worst thing ever… Okay maybe not, but it sure is annoying. Plus she kind of looks like Willow from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which is super trippy and amazing.  Finally and this is kind of a new find, Davey Wavey and his vlogs.

I am gay, an avid reader and music lover.  Each of them have made me think and feel and I hope that one day I can have that kind of impact on someone else.

Part of the reason they have helped me is because they are honest, so, honesty (and possibly tmi… Sorry.)

I smoke.  I have since I was twelve and it is something I think everyone should try.  Which I know sounds terrible and smoking is a terrible habit, but it’s a very strangely social thing.  I have met some of the nicest, most interesting people while outside smoking.  So, maybe you shouldn’t smoke, but talking to someone else, in person is just so much better than over the phone or on the internet.  You can see how they react right away and know if they are actually LOLing.

Next, I am not a good role model, for anyone ever.  I say that because I really am not a fan of myself.  I have been a cutter since I was maybe eleven.  There are a lot of reasons, lost my virginity, am a control freak, I grew up in a house that made it very clear that boys don’t cry.  It doesn’t matter, I shouldn’t do it and it’s one of the things I struggle with daily.  I was good today so I got a cookie but the thought is still there.

I am also a terrible gay.  I have two gay friends and they are lesbians because I can’t deal with the overly flamboyant men around me.  I don’t like gay pride floats because I don’t understand why the guys on them have to be half naked.  There are children around. They are hot, don’t get me wrong I do enjoy the view but I can’t help but think that there are better ways to show your pride.

On the overly flamboyant men thing, it’s not so much the flaming, cause I flame, everyone does occasionally, it has more to do with the fact that I have known men before they came out and after they did, they completely changed into raging gay stereotypes.

I would also like to end this post by saying suicide is not the answer to anything.  The people you leave behind will always blame themselves even if you specifically say that it is not their fault.  One of my best friends said I was part of the reason he waited so long…  I hope where ever he is, he knows how much I hate him right now.  And how much I miss him.

2 Songs stuck in my head:

Fucking perfect-P!nk

Heaven-Natalia Kills