Oh wow a post about Halloween in October!?  That’s so original of me…  Okay so obviously it’s not.  However Halloween is seriously the best holiday.

I would say I’m sorry for the late post, again.. However I know that this will not be the last time and you should really only apologize if you’re going to change your behavior…  I’ll try but I’ve been trying for almost twenty one years and still haven’t had much luck…

Back to Halloween!  So this is my favorite time of year.  The leaves are falling, it’s perfect hoodie weather.  (If you live in the western hemisphere.)  And unlike Thanksgiving, which I am sure started out as a great holiday,  a day to give thanks, and has turned into a holiday of lets eat all the foods!  even with America’s obesity rate…

Halloween.  It’s my favorite holiday because you can be anyone or anything.  I can be a responsible, non-procrastinator!  A G.I. Joe.  A drag queen.   Okay so probably not the last one.  I have man face.  But it is absolutely amazing to me, great costumes, free candy, the sound of children laughing and your neighbor screaming because someone TPed his house.  Maybe he shouldn’t judge and tell people they are too old to trick or treat…  Just saying.

I’m hopefully going to post pictures of me and Sister2 in our costumes.  Let’s say the Thursday after Halloween.  That way I have plenty of time to procrastinate.

Also Halloween is a pagan holiday.  It’s not devil worship.  Plus Plus, it’s a mix of a pagan holiday and all saints day.  A Christian holiday.  So don’t hate on Halloween.

Some lady was all like.  “I can’t believe you’d let your children celebrate this sinful day.”

And the other lady (from her church) was like.  “You know my husband.  He’s always so lenient.  But he told them they could and I am tired of being the bad guy.”

I kind of wanted to rip my face off, speak in tongues and wiggle my ripped off face at them.  I didn’t but I wanted to.

That’d be like me saying “I’m not a Christian.  I’m agnostic, so Christmas is a bad holiday.”  It’s fun and an excuse to see your relatives and have the same conversation with all of them.  “How are you?” “Where are you working?”  “Do you have a boy/girlfriend?”

That’s another reason I like Halloween better.  I love my family, but being around them makes loving them harder sometimes.

Anyway.  Happy Halloween.

PS if you haven’t heard WORDS AS WEAPONS-SEETHER.  give it a listen.  it’s super good.


Die Death!

So, I am super tired of people dying.  It sucks.  My grandma died tonight.  I picked up my cutting habit again, and am currently bleeding because crying made my nose all stuffy.  Seriously not a good reason, but I did it.

My dad, very supportively said, “Suck it up.  You’re twenty now, soon everyone you’ve ever known will die.  My parents are probably next.  And your siblings are all older than you by at least a decade, so you’ll get to go to their funerals too.”

Woo!  :.(

I’ve outlined three different books because of these awesome mile stones in my life.  After I outlined them, I emailed them to my bestie, and deleted any trace that they were ever on my laptop.

I have decided to take a mini vacation from my life.  I will now go out and hug everyone who’s first and last name I know.  Okay, probably not, I am an antisocial/social butterfly.  I know a lot of peoples.

I baked a dozen apple pies and didn’t eat any of them…  Hers were better.  Also I burned the first two.  I am up to thirteen Tiny Hats for the month of September.

My imaginary friends are now all immortal because I don’t want them to die.  It used to be fun to kill them in new and more evil ways.  Like the Sims.  That game is the best, I’m sure everyone has played it but if you haven’t you should.  Tiny computer people are at your mercy.  You are a god to your Sims.  You can make them go to the bathroom and then take a way the door so they’ll starve.  Remove the ladder when they swim so they drown.  Hit their tiny little universe with a tornado because gods get bored of happy little healthy people.  It’s like author-ing only more sociopathic.  Woo….

Anyways hope all of your people stay alive.  Call them say you love them and ask for all their good food recipes because demanding that they live to be 187 will not necessarily make it so and you will miss the tastes.

The problem with Tiny Hats.

When I’m stressed I have some slightly problematic ways of dealing with it.  Shopping. Eating. Smoking.  Sometimes all three at once.  What’s strange to me, is that all of my ways of dealing with stress are like depression medication.  May cause more of the thing it’s supposed to help.

I love to shop, except for shoes.  Boots are a different matter entirely.  Luckily (annoyingly) they do not make cute men’s boots that are easily accessible to consumers.  I just spent eighty dollars on Tiny Hat Stuff, or THS.  For some reason I can’t seem to grasp no matter how much introspection I do, making Tiny Hats is very stress relieving to me.  Top hats are my favorite.

To make Tiny Hats doesn’t even take that much fabric, a 1/4 of a yard of fabric that will go outside, a 1/4 yard of canvas to build the base, some thread and a needle.  Of course if you want to get fancy, which I feel is a must, you need buttons, studs and ribbon.  Still though, eighty dollars is kind of insane.

Also, eating while trying to hand sew is not really possible or sanitary.  Cheetos are evil!  I actually have a friend I do nothing with but eat.  When I’m stressed I call her, when she’s stressed she calls me.  We enable each other.  I know several people who suffer from this.  Do any of you have any tips?

Because when I’m not eating I smoke.  I’ve been trying to quit for over a year and I’m down from three packs a day, but I’m still not done.

The worst part of all of this is that I am a student, I need my money to do other things, like to pay for school.

Any advice or “hey, man, I feel you.” ‘s are awesome.

You are beautiful and brilliant.  And hopefully better at dealing than me.

Song I’m stuck on.

Thrift Shop- Macklemore & Ryan Lewis

Writery stuff. Readery stuff. Aftermath.

So, right now I am working on a couple manuscripts, I’ll probably post a chunk of them tomorrow.   I read a post about depression and how it makes it hard to do things.  I understand, with one exception, I always write from a dark place, the more I want to just…  Well anyways, I write best when I can’t see the keyboard through tears.

I don’t know if anyone else has read Andrea Speed’s Infected series.  Book three will make you want to smack anyone who smiles for like a week.

She is a beautiful writer and so very good with words.  Obviously I am not.  The blog posts are probably first drafty and I am actually okay with that.  I’m just talking to myself mostly anyways.

I had twenty seven cigarettes today.  Had thirty yesterday so I am doing pretty good.  My sister is one of my best friends and she is concerned about me.

“Hey, Have I told you lately that I love you? I think you are one of the bravest giving passionate creative person that I have ever had in my life.”-Sister2

The only other male at my work place, hit on me today.  I’m not entirely sure if he was serious.  I’m kind of hoping he wasn’t.  He’s to good for me.  Like A&F could use him as a model.  I’m twig thin and lacking in every muscle group.

I’ve been wondering a lot lately what makes someone mature?  Is it age? Attitude?  What?

Also what makes someone brave? What is the difference between stupid and brave and why?

Also, also, (terrible grammar) How long is it okay to grieve?  Is there a time limit and are there healthy ways to deal with it?

Even MORE also, is punching the mother of a dead friend appropriate grieving?  And before there are confused angry “hell no’s!”  Let me just explain that I am not a violent person, to others, except verbally occasionally.  She asked me why I had to make him gay.

At his funereal.

I’m not religious, but I felt like saying what I wanted to in front of a priest was kind of wrong.

I really just wanted to scream “Gay is something you are or your not!  Bitch is a choice you have so clearly made.  He is dead and you still can’t love him.  He was beautiful.  A light in this shit hole of a world and you couldn’t see it through the eighty layers of make up you slather on your face.  Your his mother.  You were his mother, where’s the unconditional love your supposed to have for the child that grew inside of your gapping whore vag?”

I wish she was a character in a book, preferably the main character so she might make sense to me.

One song stuck in my emo head today, Bad bad day- P!nk.

I’ve had a bad bad day but who gives a shit.  Could be sad all day but I don’t feel like it!

Aspiring author. P!nk fan. Human.

So, this is my first blog ever!  Woo!  I figured someone might want to know a little about me.

Obviously P!nk is my favorite musician.  Love her or hate her, that’s up to you, but I think she is amazing.  I have several reasons why, she cares for starters.  If she has something to say, she says it and I wish I was that brave.  She fights for women’s rights and animal rights and gay rights without it being a shtick.  She is also accepting.  I personally believe that you should never hate anyone until they give you a reason to do so.  (A real reason.)

I could spend all day on her, but I’m going to talk about some other people who make my life awesome.  Chuck Wendig at Terribleminds.com is my writing hero, he’s blunt and funny and his books have really helped me think about my writing in a new way.  Next would be Katytastic and all of her vlogs on writing and reading.  Paperbacks falling over is literally the worst thing ever… Okay maybe not, but it sure is annoying. Plus she kind of looks like Willow from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which is super trippy and amazing.  Finally and this is kind of a new find, Davey Wavey and his vlogs.

I am gay, an avid reader and music lover.  Each of them have made me think and feel and I hope that one day I can have that kind of impact on someone else.

Part of the reason they have helped me is because they are honest, so, honesty (and possibly tmi… Sorry.)

I smoke.  I have since I was twelve and it is something I think everyone should try.  Which I know sounds terrible and smoking is a terrible habit, but it’s a very strangely social thing.  I have met some of the nicest, most interesting people while outside smoking.  So, maybe you shouldn’t smoke, but talking to someone else, in person is just so much better than over the phone or on the internet.  You can see how they react right away and know if they are actually LOLing.

Next, I am not a good role model, for anyone ever.  I say that because I really am not a fan of myself.  I have been a cutter since I was maybe eleven.  There are a lot of reasons, lost my virginity, am a control freak, I grew up in a house that made it very clear that boys don’t cry.  It doesn’t matter, I shouldn’t do it and it’s one of the things I struggle with daily.  I was good today so I got a cookie but the thought is still there.

I am also a terrible gay.  I have two gay friends and they are lesbians because I can’t deal with the overly flamboyant men around me.  I don’t like gay pride floats because I don’t understand why the guys on them have to be half naked.  There are children around. They are hot, don’t get me wrong I do enjoy the view but I can’t help but think that there are better ways to show your pride.

On the overly flamboyant men thing, it’s not so much the flaming, cause I flame, everyone does occasionally, it has more to do with the fact that I have known men before they came out and after they did, they completely changed into raging gay stereotypes.

I would also like to end this post by saying suicide is not the answer to anything.  The people you leave behind will always blame themselves even if you specifically say that it is not their fault.  One of my best friends said I was part of the reason he waited so long…  I hope where ever he is, he knows how much I hate him right now.  And how much I miss him.

2 Songs stuck in my head:

Fucking perfect-P!nk

Heaven-Natalia Kills