Apple Jacks and Artifical cherry flavor!

For some reason I feel like I’d need a degree to understand, I feel awesome.  Woo!  I ate nothing but apple jacks (12 boxes) and drank nothing but sodas(pops?) with artificial cherry flavoring for the last three days.  I didn’t sleep.  Avoided sharp objects.  And I wrote like some dude in a gimp suit had a pez dispenser full of firecrackers pointed at my head.

That was a weird image.  Also I listened to Porcelain Black, lots of her.  My favorite song is Who’s Next.  Oh, who’s it going to be?  Who’s going to be next?  I want a boy taste like whiskey and cigarettes!

I think I am destined to be a cougar.  First I need to learn how to growl like she does.  She’s not a cougar but that song makes me think of cougars.  I just realized something terrible.  You have to have a vagina to be a cougar.  And experienced, and probably at least kind of hot.

I’ve been told I’m that last one…  Unfortunately, I am twenty and all I have experience in is being not experienced..  Also I don’t have a vagina…  This is a terrible day.

Oh well.  It’s still a great day because I think, hopefully, maybe, I’m done grieving, and I got five cookies today.

Why did I get cookies and not share?  Well I don’t know where you live and ALSO I get cookies for not intentionally hurting myself.

I know my site thingy is called P!nkdependent, but I just couldn’t listen to her.  Normally her music makes me all kinds of happy but I think maybe the whole suicide thing put me off.  Like I became a huge fan when I was getting to the “I don’t deserve to live” stage of life and she helped me, made me feel understood, so I didn’t.  He did.  Icky feelings.

!Ndependent!

You’re beautiful and brilliant and if you don’t believe me, ask your mom.  I bet she’d agree.  If she doesn’t, give a homeless guy a dollar to say it to you.  He KNOWS!

Aspiring author. P!nk fan. Human.

So, this is my first blog ever!  Woo!  I figured someone might want to know a little about me.

Obviously P!nk is my favorite musician.  Love her or hate her, that’s up to you, but I think she is amazing.  I have several reasons why, she cares for starters.  If she has something to say, she says it and I wish I was that brave.  She fights for women’s rights and animal rights and gay rights without it being a shtick.  She is also accepting.  I personally believe that you should never hate anyone until they give you a reason to do so.  (A real reason.)

I could spend all day on her, but I’m going to talk about some other people who make my life awesome.  Chuck Wendig at Terribleminds.com is my writing hero, he’s blunt and funny and his books have really helped me think about my writing in a new way.  Next would be Katytastic and all of her vlogs on writing and reading.  Paperbacks falling over is literally the worst thing ever… Okay maybe not, but it sure is annoying. Plus she kind of looks like Willow from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which is super trippy and amazing.  Finally and this is kind of a new find, Davey Wavey and his vlogs.

I am gay, an avid reader and music lover.  Each of them have made me think and feel and I hope that one day I can have that kind of impact on someone else.

Part of the reason they have helped me is because they are honest, so, honesty (and possibly tmi… Sorry.)

I smoke.  I have since I was twelve and it is something I think everyone should try.  Which I know sounds terrible and smoking is a terrible habit, but it’s a very strangely social thing.  I have met some of the nicest, most interesting people while outside smoking.  So, maybe you shouldn’t smoke, but talking to someone else, in person is just so much better than over the phone or on the internet.  You can see how they react right away and know if they are actually LOLing.

Next, I am not a good role model, for anyone ever.  I say that because I really am not a fan of myself.  I have been a cutter since I was maybe eleven.  There are a lot of reasons, lost my virginity, am a control freak, I grew up in a house that made it very clear that boys don’t cry.  It doesn’t matter, I shouldn’t do it and it’s one of the things I struggle with daily.  I was good today so I got a cookie but the thought is still there.

I am also a terrible gay.  I have two gay friends and they are lesbians because I can’t deal with the overly flamboyant men around me.  I don’t like gay pride floats because I don’t understand why the guys on them have to be half naked.  There are children around. They are hot, don’t get me wrong I do enjoy the view but I can’t help but think that there are better ways to show your pride.

On the overly flamboyant men thing, it’s not so much the flaming, cause I flame, everyone does occasionally, it has more to do with the fact that I have known men before they came out and after they did, they completely changed into raging gay stereotypes.

I would also like to end this post by saying suicide is not the answer to anything.  The people you leave behind will always blame themselves even if you specifically say that it is not their fault.  One of my best friends said I was part of the reason he waited so long…  I hope where ever he is, he knows how much I hate him right now.  And how much I miss him.

2 Songs stuck in my head:

Fucking perfect-P!nk

Heaven-Natalia Kills