Better late than never…

Life’s life.  Sorry   Now as promised, here are chunks of stories I’m working on.  The first is kind of a joke on romantic comedies.  The main character Opal Mason is a klutz, who is in love with her boss.  Her hair tells her how her entire day will be, just by how it looks in the morning.

The second is something I’ve literally just started (maybe a month ago) and it’s darker, and a bit more magically inclined.  Urban fantasy.  The main characters, Samuel and Penelope share a body.  Samuel will be written like this…  Penelope will be written like this…

THE DIARY OF A HAIR OBSESSED DRAMA QUEEN: a blog.

Journal # 11

Today was awful.  It was completely expected but still I was surprised by just how awful it was.  My hair looked like crap, my not so cute curls just wouldn’t straighten, now matter how hot my flat iron was.

My only clean shirt (because I forgot to do laundry) was shiny, ruffled, white blouse, which was missing the top button and as luck would have it, my only clean bra was black.  I looked like a frizzy whore.  A very cheap, non-well put together, frizzy whore, who got dressed in the dark.

The highlight of this “great” day was when my boss, Dean, super hunk extraordinaire, said “Morning Opal.”  Which isn’t technically sexual, but if you saw him you would say, “Damn that dude, oozes sex!”  And you would be correct.

My blood rushed to parts unknown.  (Okay so maybe like 6 or 8 guys have explored.) I got distracted by his sex ooze.  So when he said, “Morning Opal.”  I got light headed and such, and fell down the stairs, ripped my pants and landed on top of Ralph, the creepy mail guy.  He smells like burnt popcorn and garbage.

His smell attached itself to my clothes so I had to get rid of them.  Bye bye hoe shirt, you will be missed… Probably.  Today couldn’t have been worse if it had tried.  OMG.  Just what I wanted, to be contradicted by the universe again.

My bestie, Amy, just texted me to tell me that my mishap is on Youtube.  With over a eight thousand hits.  *Checks watch.  It’s only been three hours!  FML.

OM

ASHES OF WONDERLAND

My night lasted about three hours.  My sleeping bag was drenched in sweat and I slid on the wood floors when I stood up.

Carpets.  And a bed.

I half sprinted half tumbled down the spiral staircase.  The canvas’ were in a pile in the hallway.  I picked one up, situated it on an easel and scattered my paint bottles around myself in a circle.

I checked the clock, 4 am.  I’d been painting for three hours.  I sighed and noticed for the first time, that there was no music on.  The appartment seemed hollow in its absense.  Maybe it was just me.

I walked into the kitchen and grabbed the Jack Misty hadn’t wanted earlier.  I took a big gulp and it burned going down.  I smiled and took a couple more.  I opened a drawer and pulled out my weed.  Three joints.  It would do.  Need to find a new dealer.

Dealer, carpets, bed, other furnature.

I touched the walls and checked my hand, the paint was dry.  I took the painting off the easil and set it against the wall.  Another canvas took its place.

“Not drunk enough,” I murmered to myself.  Liquor bottles joined the paint bottles in the circle.  The stereo started playing Penny’s song and…

“And I could tell it wouldn’t be long!”  I sang.  I opened my eyes and, “Seriously?  Sam… Fuck it…  He was with me, yeah with me.  Singing I love ROCK AND ROLL!”  I spun around in the circle of Sam’s dispair, sung my heart out and when the song was over, I picked up his pieces.  

Again. 

Always.

I picked up the vodka and shrugged.  “A bit more won’t hurt me.  Da!”  I said and screwed the cap back on.  It joined the other bottles in the cabniet.  I looked in the fridge and sighed again. 

Once everything was put away I took a shower.  The sweat clung to my skin and I scrubbed harder.  Sam’s shampoo smelled like apples and it left my hair soft.  I toweled off and left the clothes in the bathroom.  Naked I climbed the spiral staircase and looked out over the new appartment.  Not bad.  Little creepy, but what can you do?

My clothes were in a suitcase at the bottom of the closet.  I dug through it, throwing clothes over my shoulder as I went.  Finally, at the bottom, of course, I found my corset.  The artifical breasts jiggled constantly while I secured the hooks in the front.  I blow dried my hair and put it up in two pig tails.  I silently thanked Sam for not cutting it all off… I knew how much he hated the extra length, but it was just so pretty.

I found a black with red pinstriped dress and pulled it on.  “Here boots, here booty booty boots!”  I sang as I searched the appartment for my boots.  “Always the last place you look.”  I smiled and walked over to the door.  There was a note taped to the wall above them.

{Sorry.}

I crumpled it up and threw it behind me.  I found the keys on top of the fridge and headed out.  The cool early morning air felt great on my skin.  The neon lights of a tattoo parlor called my name but I ignored them.  This is my new city.  I smiled to myself.

Several hours of wondering around later I found a house that was far to tempting for me to do anything but give in.  There front yard was a true eden for me.  Gnomes in all shapes and sizes were litereally everywhere.  I smiled at them.  “Hello, Mr. Gnome.  I think you’d look better over here.”  I picked him up and moved him about five inches to the right.  “Mr. Other Gnome, wouldn’t you like to be closer to the tree.”

A while later I stood in the middle of the street staring at my masterpiece.  Gnomes, all moved slightly from their origonal posision in the yard, some tipped over, some huddled together and some away from the group.  “Beautiful.”  I blew them a kiss.  The porch light turned on and I ran behind a tree.

“OH MY GOD!!!  Mary Lou!  Somebody moved the gnomes!”

“What!?  No!”

I giggled and took off running.  “Another Gnome universe turned on its head!  Woo hoo!”

After a couple of blocks I sat down and tried to smoke.  “Lungs, come on!  I believe in you.”  After a few more failed attempts to enjoys the cigarette, I threw it and rose to my feet with a yawn.  “Okay time to go to bed.”  My stomach growled.  “Okay, food then bed.  I wonder if Sam has any pot left.”

I woke up and checked my watch, noon.  “One second,” I called and the banging on the door finally stopped.  I took two asprin and shoved the bottle back into the sleeping bag.

I tripped over Penny’s boots and looked down at myself.  I sighed and took off the dress she’d slept in, threw it in the pile of her clothes that were now everywhere and unhooked the corset.

I grabbed a hoodie and a pair of jeans off the floor and pulled them on.  The pounding started again.  I sprinted to the door, pulled it open and exclaimed, “Seriously, knock that shit the fuck off!”

The guy in the hallway just smirked at me.  “Hung over?”

“Yes.  Paintings?”

He nodded.

“One second.”  I shut the door and walked over to my bag.  I pulled out three hundred dollars and went back to the door.  “Here’s three hundred dollars, I need you to drive them to the DDO gallery.”

“Five.”

“Fine.”  I went back inside and pulled out two more.  I grabbed my keys off the kitchen floor.

“Ms. Argos,” I said when she picked up the phone.

“Yes, Mr. Knight?  The paintings were delivered?”

“Be there in ten.”

“How are you transporting them?”

“Paid the delivery guy.”

“Okay.  I’ll be in the alley behind the gallery, just have him back in.”

I hung up and turned to the delivery guy.  “Alley.”

She guided him using wild arm gestures.  He stopped, put the truck in park and looked at me.

“No idea,” I said before he could ask.

Ms. Argos held open the door while he moved the wooden crates in.  “Just set them next to that wall,” She told him before turning to me.  “So the show is on wednesday and you can paint on sunday the twenty-third.”

I nodded.

“What’s this collection called?  Is it going to be Ashes2 or something new?”

“Down the Rabbit Hole.”

“Like Alice in Wonderland?”

“Only a lot less pleasent.”  Once the last painting was in the gallery and the truck pulled away I said, “see you sunday.”

“You’re leaving?  Don’t you want to see my reaction?”

“Have a bucket handy.”  With that I turned and walked down the alley.

Okay, hope you liked it.  Any comments or questions are awesome.

Thanks.

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